I recently came to a startling conclusion about myself. I am no longer “college-aged”. It’s true that I am pursuing my undergraduate degree at a public university, but somewhere in my meandering, I left “college-aged” behind. I am now what is affectionately called a “non-traditional student” which is code for “old”. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, it was about the time that I stepped foot in a recent RUF Bible study, looked around, and then started looking for the closest exit. I no longer fit in with that crowd.
This isn’t going to be an entry about being old so much as it is going to be about coming of age and waking up to reality. At this place in life, my mother, too, was an undergraduate student at a public university. She also had two children, one of which was starting kindergarten right about this time of year. I have a grand total of two close friends who are not yet married and/or have children. I feel a little behind. It’s as though I’m stuck between two age groups.. two walks of life… and I can’t seem to find my place. Mash that on top of not having a church home in this area, and you can see where my loneliness comes in.
I talked to Justin last night and sort of vented these things to him… I had a sort of epiphany while on the phone with him, I think. Am I resisting growing up? No, I don’t think so. I think my problem is more along the lines of feeling like I just don’t belong. And right or wrong, that’s really important to me. I like to feel connected and in the loop. I go back and forth between whether it’s a pride thing or not. I think that’s why I was attracted to FBCA’s “Twenty-Somethings” class last week. It was refreshing to be surrounded by people in the same stage of life as I.
It was different when I was at Redeemer. I was still one of the few single people in “the group”, but I never felt out of place. I never really noticed that I didn’t especially fit in with husbands and wives and new babies. What does that say about me? What does that say about Redeemer and the ministry going on there? The ministry there was seamless. I felt as loved and as “a part” with 19 year old Rebekah as I did with Justin & Elizabeth, who are in their late twenties, married, with a son. Sure, their schedules were different than mine, and we didn’t all enjoy the exact same things, but it was never a problem.
So my thoughts now turn to this: was that kind of love and family relationship central to only Redeemer? Was it a PCA thing? Was it a San Antonio thing? If that kind of love is limited to that little congregation, then what the heck is the true meaning of “The Body”, and why hasn’t it spread?
I don’t want you to get me wrong. I’m not looking around the Metroplex for Redeemer-North… but it seems to me that I’m apparently missing something, and it’s more than just my youth.
