Christine Bailey: What community is not.

For the majority of my teen, college and post-college years, I walked through my “Christian hedonism” life believing I had true community. Those years were some of the most enjoyable, memorable moments that I will always treasure dearly. My only regret is not having gone to the depths with those who were close in my life, while I had the chance.

Nothing bad really happened to me back then. I had a loyal group of friends, and the house where my roomie and I lived was the headquarters for all kinds of parties, from Thanksgiving to Valentine’s Day, to movie nights galore. My greatest concern was whether I’d have the job of my dreams or get to live in a beach house one day with a back porch, an art room, and wind chimes. And while those things are not wrong in and of themselves, I let them dictate what I understood about God and the life He had given me…and that has only robbed me – and others – of some of the blessings of this journey.

I had girlfriends (and unfortunately, a few guys) in my life who knew some of the emotions that had curled up in a sleeping bag and camped out in the basement of Christine. I could sit on the bed for hours with my best friend, sharing hopes and hurts and fears. Yes, I was experiencing community in its barest, most stripped-down form. But I had not even begun to experience it in its most lasting authenticity, mainly because I was afraid to look ugly. I was afraid to be real.

I told my friends only what I wanted them to know, and I was OK with that. I thought it was just fine for only God to know who Christine truly was. I wanted to be His vessel, but only if it meant I could still be comfy.

I could do Beth Moore Bible studies with the best of ‘em. But when it was my turn to share prayer requests, I’d always say something surfacy like, “well…work has been really tough” or “my cousins are traveling this weekend, so keep them in your prayers” or (if I was really desperate) “my dog is sick.” Not that those things weren’t important to my friends or to God…but it was a problem when, secretly, I knew I was in a unhealthy relationship that was eating me alive, and I repeatedly said nothing. Why was I holding back? Did I even know there was more to community than this?

When someone gave me unsolicited advice, I threw my hands up in defense. Wai, wai, wait. No one tells me what to do. People need me. I’m the perfect one, remember? Whenever someone needs help, I’m your girl.

But truthfully, I didn’t always want to help. Sometimes I did it because it was easier to put the focus on someone else’s needs and remain the saint. It was so much easier exposing someone else than exposing myself.

As often occurs, it took my entire world being rocked for me to realize that I was not going to experience true community as long as I was always “OK”…always “fine.”

I’ll never forget a conversation I had one night with the man who would eventually become my husband. For the first time in my life, someone said to me, “Christine, I don’t even want you to be perfect. You couldn’t be perfect if you tried. And that is the Christine I want.” I still didn’t believe him at first, but then he shared the way his life had been shattered and how he had found the authentic Christian life in the midst of it. I smiled and nodded, yet I had no idea what he was talking about at the time. I’m sure he knew that, but he still didn’t run away from me.

He began to journey with me, and discovering community for me became like that classic scene from Lady and The Tramp. I had the very tip of the spaghetti in my mouth, and as I slowly began chewing, the noodle kept going…and going…and going. Today, I’m probably one noodle into the entire bowl. I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I was.

So how would I define community? I’m still only on the first noodle, remember? I have a long way to go. But having tasted both sides, I do have some pretty strong convictions from my own journey on what community is not.

Community is not a group of faceless strangers in the same building on a Sunday morning.
Community is not playing it safe.
Community is not living for “the next big thing.”
Community is not afraid of silence, or tears, or anger, or pain.
Community is not exposing oneself without first establishing trust.
Community is not a one-way street.
Community is not a place where someone does not feel loved.
Community is not a place where complacency or earthly perfection is celebrated.
Community is not impatient while God works.
Community is not a place where the work is ever “done.”
Community is not afraid to say “no” when a “no” is needed.
Community is not ungrateful.
Community is not absent of struggle.
Community is not in the business of letting its members continue struggling without fighting for their freedom.

Community is not an option…it is the model Christ set for us.

The freedom of real community is a threat to those who seek to hinder Christ. The Apostle Paul knew it – he spent a lot of his life trying to tear it down.

“In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.

But that doesn’t mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift…He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ’s followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ’s body, the church, until we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.”

I’m excited to share that several of my treasured friendships from the past have been brought to a place of raw, authentic community today. What a gift. It is definitely more difficult sharing my ugliness with people who have known me in the past than with people I’ve met in this new stage of life. The new Christine is a heckuva lot more selfish, rude, moody, and flighty than she ever thought possible. While my community (and my gracious husband) loves me despite my failings, they do not let me remain that way…

“No prolonged infancies among us, please. We’ll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for impostors. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.”

All Scripture from Ephesians 4,

The Message

 

Sew Anyway

My very dear friend Kathy has begun a home-based business.  She calls it Sew Anyway and I have to tell you, she sells this most ADORABLE little items.  Since I’m one of her groupies, I’ve been privy to seeing some items in the works, and lady-friends, you will be impressed.  Toddle on over to her website (linked above) and check out her bread blankets and be sure and buy one or two or six.

GUNNY: One cannot be betrayed if one has no people.

Steph has asked that I blog about community, which I will attempt to do briefly.

Bypassing the many linguistic options available with that term, let me just right to an understanding of Christian community.

There are many communities to which we belong. For me, there’s my physical family, my neighborhood, my small town, my Founders fraternal, my Los Guys mens’ group, Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, an online community, and my Providence Church.

However, of all of them, I think that the only one I would say is necessary in my life, from a Christian standpoint, is my church. They are all beneficial on some level, but only one is crucial, the family of faith. My church is an integral proponent of my sanctification and a community of which I need to be a part and in which I am needed for the edification of others.

One can get by without online friends, interaction with neighbors, friends, parents or siblings, but one cannot effectively grow in the faith without a church family. It is in the context of the Christian community known as church that we practice the “one anothers” of Scripture (e.g., love one another, forgive one another, encourage one another, etc.). It is in the context of the church as community that we neglect not the assembling, so that we might be encouraged and not hardend by sin’s deceitfulness (Heb 10:24-25; 3:13). It is in that context whereby individual believers are equipped for the work of the ministry (Eph 4:11-16).

It is in this community that we are hurt & helped, irritated & infuriated, disgusted & delighted, enlightened & enraged, motivated & mortified, and taught & tested. We learn about ourselves and others, as we experience depravity firsthand, ours and theirs. We will be betrayed, but so was the Christ. We will partake in the fellowship of His sufferings, even at the hands of those we labor to help. One cannot be betrayed if one has no people, but we must have people, all of whom are fallible sinners, some of whom just happen to be saved by grace alone through faith alone because of Christ alone.

We must have people because we must have the church, the community of like faith in Jesus Christ.

“For as long as Jesus insists on calling sinners and not the righteous to repentence-and there is no indication as yet that he has changed his policy in that regard-churches are going to be an embarrassment to the fastidious and and affront to the upright.” (Peterson, Reversed Thunder, 54)

The necessary community will necessarily frustrate, but in that process we develop and grow as believers, demonstrating the fruit of the Spirit to each other: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Gal 5:22-23). That is godliness, the Spirit working in and through me/you so that others, particularly those in the community, will see what God is like as the Spirit conforms us to the image of Christ.

I hope we all appreciate the role the church is to have in our lives. Find a good one, if you don’t have one already. If you do, make sure you do your part in the community to grow and help others grow as well, sharpen as well as be sharpened (Prov 27:17).

Especially on Days Like These

Today is a weird day.

Since moving to Dallas last year, there have been few times where I felt quite the pull of wanderlust as firmly as today.  Today I miss Lubbock.  I miss the lights of Jones Stadium.  I miss the Will Rogers Statue.  I miss the Buddy Holly Memorial.  I miss the sulfuric taste in the tap water.  I miss my church.  I miss my friends.

It could be the grand entrance of football season, and with it the desire for cooler weather, tailgating, and fellow Tech fans.  It could be the approaching anniversary of my conversion expirience and the amazing coffee that accompanied it at Sugar Brown’s.  It could be the memories of movie nights, sleepovers, and game-watching parties at my old house on 43rd Street, and the roommate who shared it with me.  No matter the cause, I am nostalgic and having to fight myself to avoid a roadtrip I cannot afford this coming weekend.

I get this feeling every now and again.  I start remembering the amazing people from that little, dusty, flat panhandle town, and I miss the relationships I formed there.  Have no doubt-  I was incredibly immature when I lived there… not to mention as lost as they come until shortly before my departure, but I felt the love and support of so many on a regular basis.

Marla & Justin Barnard, who own Sugar Brown’s were a shining example of Christ in the way that they ran their business and loved every person who walked through the doors.  All the folks at Quaker Avenue Baptist thought I was completely nuts, I’m sure, but they loved me in spite of myself.  Sometimes that meant tough love was due, and I’m thankful for it.  Joe Morrow and Andy Hedges kicked my pants with Scripture regularly, and God used their words and witness in my conversion.  Their music inspired me, too!  It was Andy and his very good buddy Brent who drove to San Antonio, packed up everything I owned in the back of his pickup, and moved me to Lubbock.  It was Joe who picked up where those guys left off and continuously fed me Scripture until that December afternoon when God granted me understanding. 

How blessed was I to live there?  Most people would curse the day they moved into Lubbock, Texas, but my experience was nothing short of providential from start to finish.

I think that sometimes I long to relive that experience because it is so evident now that God was at work.  I am really ready for my life to make sense… for these feelings of loneliness and want to mean something.  It reminds me of an excerpt from Tara Leigh Cobble’s new book Here’s to Hindsight that I read today.  In it, she said, “It’s (Here’s to hindsight) a toast we both still use, because it feels like a toast to God. ‘I don’t understand You,’ it says, ‘but I know You’re doing something good here.”  I pray that God would remind me of that very fact, especially on days like these.  Especially on days like these: when I am sinfully bored and anxious to do something new.  I pray that He’d surround me with amazing and wonderful people who will make me feel as loved as I did three years ago this time of year, or if not, that He’d make me increasingly aware that all I need is HIS love and HIS presence.  Because, I’ve got to tell you, it’s getting kind of dry in this life of mine.

The Music I Want

I really, really want these albums.  Really.

1. Elbow – Leaders of the free world
2. Field Music – Field Music
3. Arcade Fire – Funeral
4. Martha Wainwright – Martha Wainwright
5. Minotaur Shock – Maritime
6. Dangerdoom – The mouse and the mask
7. Serena-Maneesh – Serena-Maneesh
8. The Weepies – Say I am you
9. Fiona Apple – Extraordinary Machine
10. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – CYHSY
11. Animal Collective – Feels
12. The New Pornographers – Twin Cinema
13. Broken Social Scene – Broken Social Scene
14. Ladytron – Witching Hour
15. Boards of Canada – The Campfire Headphase
16. My Morning Jacket – Z
17. Bellx1 – Flock
18. Millionaire – Paradisiac
19. Devendra Banhart – Cripple Crow
20. Ray LaMontagne – Trouble
21. Antony and the Johnsons – I Am A Bird Now
22. Amusement Parks On Fire – APOF
23. Autolux – Future Perfect
24. Bruce Springsteen – Devils and Dust
25. Calexico/Iron and Wine – In The Reins
26. Saul Williams – Saul Williams
27. Sigur Ros – Takk…
28. Sons and Daughters – The Repulsion Box
29. Soulwax – Nite Versions
30. M83 – Before the Dawn Heals Us
31. Stars – Set Yourself On Fire
32. Ryan Adams – 29
33. The Duke Spirit – Cuts Across The Land
34. Futureheads – 2005 (reissue)
35. Death Cab For Cutie – Plans
36. Franz Ferdinand – You Could Have It So Much Better
37. Shortwave Set – The Debt Collection
38. Bright Eyes – I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning
39. Death From Above 1979 – You’re A Woman, I’m A Machine
40. CocoRosie – Noah’s Ark

Hattie O’Neill: community.

Community: c o m m u n i t y community.

huh. that is how it is spelled. now then, what can it mean? and more importantly, if i like what it means, can i find one, be one or buy one? The intended message of this word, this group of letters hanging out together for one common purpose, is just that actually. A community is a common ity. (It is a Middle English communite, citizenry, from Old French, from Latin commnits, fellowship, from commnis, common. See common.) great. how is that instructive?

well, let’s see……common, fellowship, commune, communion–oh there is agreement about one thing or another among people so much so that they are lumped together as One in their manyness. It is a way to count faster. So instead of there being 6,539,862, 906 people in the world there are 7 continents, or 194 Countries (counting Taiwan which apparently some people don’t) and in those countries there are states or the equivalent and in those states, counties, and towns, and neighborhoods and blocks, and homes and families, and you get the point. We are part of many many communities simply because we have been born. We could form the community of humans who were born and be justified by inviting everyone we know. We are in some way connected to every human being alive or dead. Yes, or dead. Because we will be joining them someday in that roll call and one day in the past they were alive.
I think it healthy and natural to be a member of a lot of differing communities. That way you will like more kinds of people, or at least not be surprised or horrified by them when we all meet up in a government office or on an airplane or in heaven. Really now, it might be wise to get out of your closest level of community and venture toward the larger community you are part of…the one I mentioned you joined when you were born.
Everyone is on the search for a community to be a part of. Look at the ruby slippers on your feet. You’ve been in a community from day one. What you are looking for is honesty, connection, love through that community. you are looking for intentionality i suppose as well. And i would advise against being in some communities because i just think some things are wrong. Like I would not seek out the community of white supremicists, because, among other reasons, i dont think whiteness is supreme. And i wouldn’t choose to spend my limited days in community with people who loved octopuses or seriously disliked all things French. Because, I don’t like octopuses (except for the one with a garden in that Beatles song) and I love French anything–almost. So, dont find yourself in a community you dont really agree with. Because then you’d be lying to others, maybe yourself. And one day you might realize that you have become more like the community you placed yourself in, even though you didnt really agree with them, than you would have liked.
oh, but dont think a community of one is a community–even if you have multiple personalities. It isnt one by defintion. and therefore it isnt one. I would like to be a member of the “words have absolute meaning community” too….if you couldn’t already tell. Happy Communing.

When Sin Takes Over

I am just as sinful as anyone else: ask anyone I know.  But somedays… Somedays I become acutely aware of how sin takes complete control of every part of me.  It steers my thoughts, my words, my actions… my very being.  Yesterday was one of those days.

There is a man whose actions break my heart, as well as the hearts of people around me.  He uses.  He manipulates.  He rips apart.  And he claims Christ.  Yesterday was one of those weak days when the ugliness of my anger sneaks up and lashes out.  I’m pretty sure I murdered this man in my heart at least fifty times over.  And then my words went after him about fifty more.  I sent an intensely scathing email to this man, telling him exactly what I thought about him.  And I told myself that I was doing the right thing. 

Almost immediately after I sent that email I was smacked in the head with the realization that what I did couldn’t have been further from right or Godly.  And that made me more angry.  Denial swept over me like a cold front.  Hatred and selfishness came like storm clouds.  This man would know the hurt that he has caused.

And after only a short time, it occurred to me that the very person I was protecting had been caught in the crossfire.  My heart broke.  Over and over and it’s still breaking as I write.

As I read through 1 Peter 2, I could feel the pit in my stomach aching with the full realization of my sin.  So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander…. They stumble because they disobey the word, as they were destined to do. How could I be more wrong?

I woke up this morning praying that the storm had passed.  But her phone call was replaced with more bad news instead.  And that made me angry all over again.  Selfishness took over my words and actions.  Why can’t you just forgive me?

I pray that God will continue to sanctify my life in a way that would push sin out of its residence in my heart.  And I pray that the burning, awful pain I feel from this realization of guilt would increase, pushing me only ever to repent and try again.

Raggedy Zoe

Rae held out on me. Isn’t this the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen?!

Not Ready to Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I’m not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I’m still waiting

I’m through, with doubt,
There’s nothing left for me to figure out,
I’ve paid a price, and i’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice,
I’m not ready to back down,
I’m still mad as hell
And I don’t have time
To go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can’t you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don’t mind saying,
It’s a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice,
I’m not ready to back down,
I’m still mad as hell
And I don’t have time
To go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I’m not ready to make nice,
I’m not ready to back down,
I’m still mad as hell
And I don’t have time
To go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I’m not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I’m still waiting

Dixie Chicks

Correction

I would be remiss if I didn’t correct a previous post in which I listed Chantal Krasingiongoaisndgoadbnfgjbadjf as the original recorder of “Feels Like Home”.  Insert Emmylou Harris.