And now I’m ready to be extraordinary.

The sins that I struggle with are big, and oh-so-private.  I didn’t really think that I had any private sins until recently… but that’s mainly because I didn’t think of these struggles as sins.  Sadly, since recognizing these things for what they are– ugly, grotesque, soul-rotting sins– they’ve become even more private.  I’ve caught myself pulling away from friends, family, community in any form.  They are situations that, honestly, I never even discussed with Hattie.  And I had myself convinced that Hattie knew everything.

It occurred to me just last week that I need to begin trusting those that the Father has placed around me.  I am making somewhat forced efforts to trust in this community– and the forced part has nothing to do with the people, but rather my fear of being known fully.

Who’d have ever thought that this extrovert would struggle in that area?

I am opening up my home.  I am making get-to-know-you appointments.  I am trying to open up and not hide the real me from the light which exposes the dirt that coexists (rather than simply painting over it).   I am making good on commitments made to myself and others.  I am ready.

Flying in perfect circles
Desperate company
And now I’m ready
And now I’m ready
And now I’m ready to be
Extraordinary

“Extraordinary”  Mandy Moore

Day after day, it reappears

As I was driving home tonight, I decided to flip through a CD case that I haven’t opened in quite a while. As I did, I found myself giddy. Sometimes, finding old CDs is like getting new ones. As I flipped through songs, I wondered how in the world I’d missed them before. Here are some of my favorite finds of the night.

• No Alibis by The Normals (Coming to Life)
  Favorite line: “All it takes is just one word and a broken heart is beautiful.”
• Depending On You by Tom Petty (Full Moon Fever)
  Favorite line:”You used to be such a sweet young girl– why you wanna be somebody else?”
• Shallow Grave by Elvis Costello (All This Useless Beauty)
  Favorite line: “Bless the poor, cos like the rich, they all end up in a ditch.”
• Love Will Come to You by the Indigo Girls (Rites of Passage)
  Favorite line: “Dodging your memories a field of knives, always on the outside looking in on others lives.”
• High Wire by Men at Work (Cargo)
  Favorite line: ” Sometimes I don’t know which way to go, Sometimes I can’t tell but it’s just as well,’Cos I’m walking on a high wire.”

These Days, They Are A River…

All at once, Autumn has arrived.  Beautiful, wonderful, peaceful Autumn.

I touched down back here in San Antonio on Sunday evening and it was muggy and gross outside.  Imagine my excitement when I walked outside on Tuesday morning only to realize that I needed to go back in and grab a coat.  Finally.  I can wear the red velvet coat I bought this Spring.

Willie hates it.  It is an all out ordeal to drag him downstairs and out into the yard for morning business.  He will slink into the cool grass and tremble while staring up at me as though I were scolding him, his tail tucked neatly under him.  As the minutes pass, I get more and more angry.  Finally, he’ll go, but by then, I AM scolding him.  I’m sure my neighbors enjoy hearing near-shouts of “GO POTTY!!!!”

Early in the morning, I can smell burning wood.  It doesn’t take much to get San Antonians to crank up their fireplaces.  Late in the afternoon, as I drive home from work, I roll the windows down in my car, and crank up my pretentious indie rock-n-roll.  The weeks are soon to be filled with my favorite sort of days: those that are bright and sunny, contrasted with cool wind.

And as Autumn becomes what Texans call Winter, and then pseudo-Spring, and finally, the Summer that lasts nine months a year, I find myself standing still… not changing… not moving forward.

WHAT THE FRENCH? TOAST!

My title comes from the Dentyne commercial where the wife catches her husband cheating.  “Who are you calling a cootie queen, you LINT LICKER!”  Cracks me up every time.

Although this is about to be another tidbit update, I swear I’ll get back to writing something of substance soon.

I have been so busy lately.  Work takes up so much time, and living downtown makes my commute longer than what I’m used to.   I am also taking online classes desperately trying to finish my degree.  I leave town on Thursday at noon for The Woodlands, where I’ll spend four days held up in a resort hotel with men and women who work in insurance. I’m really, really, REALLY hoping that some of my Houstonian friends come to rescue me at some point.

I’m also not feeling well.  I woke up this morning feeling congested and lethargic, and wrote it off at allergies.  I fell asleep on the couch this evening and woke when I couldn’t swallow.  I really cannot afford to get sick right now, so here’s hoping that it really is just allergies.

I am so happy to have cable.  I get to watch (and drool over) Chris Rose on the Best Damn Sports Show Period.  Yum.  Too bad I couldn’t find any photos of him with his facial hair.  Double yum.

Housekeeping Items

Ok.. just a few housekeeping items.

First and foremost, a BIG congrats to my very dear friend Rae, who just passed his Eldership Exam!  Yay for RE Rae Whitlock!  I knew you could do it.

Tonight is my homecoming/housewarming party.  I’m very excited.  But I’m still unpacking. And maybe a little freaking out.

Photos of the new place are forthcoming.  I promise.

“Censorship: the reaction of the ignorant to freedom.”

Gunny wrote the following:

When I heard of nooses hanging from the tree at the Jena high school, I thought, “No way that could happen in 2007.” Surely the racists and bigots (I want to be inclusive here) know better than to come out from under their rocks where they hide.

Then I saw THIS:
5th Grade History Lesson Uses N-word as Crossword Puzzle Answer. (HT Tank)

Essentially a 5th grade teacher got a crossword puzzle from edhelper.com, to supplement their reading of Sounder, “a book is commonly used in classrooms nationwide to illustrate racial bigotry and sharecropping hardships through the eyes of a young black boy.“

I don’t know anything about the book, but I know about 17 across: “An insulting way to label a black person.“

Oh yeah, that’s exactly what you’re thinking it is.

That’s a word my kids have never heard, to the best of my knowledge, and one I’d love to shield them from forever, albeit unlikely.

The principal of the school said that the teacher “justifies it as a way to teach about how it was at that time.”

Hey, I have a hatred for historical revisionism and I don’t think our country should ever forget its past, lest it be susceptible to repeat it. In the same way, I don’t think the Fatherland should ever forget the Holocaust.

However, that doesn’t mean I’d advocate the Kinder drawing Swastikas to get a feel for what it was like for the Jewish people back in the day. There are certain things culturally off limits and I don’t think it’s a bold statement to say the line was heinously sailed over.

Sure, the teacher apologized, but that there could be any attempt at self-justification shocks me. I’m not necessarily saying a job should be lost, but I’ve seen it for less, so it wouldn’t surprise me.

The following is my response:

Although I find it inappropriate to list the N-word in such an educational crossword puzzle, I hate Hate HATE that schools are banning books like Sounder (which is a classic, btw) for use of the word and any other word that some ambiguous entity deems ‘bad’.  I 100%, whole-heartedly, and emphatically HATE the n-word, and I will separate myself from anyone who uses that word.

But nearing the top of the list of things that really upset me is censorship. Censorship is a stepping stone toward loss of liberty, and that’s not even touching on the frustration of knowing that some kids will never read Sounder or Huck Finn.

Censorship and pious, self-righteous attitudes that feed it leads to music like Derek Webb’s being taken off the shelf of Family Christian Store because Scripture is quoted in a song… and that Scripture is apparently too offensive for consumers.  Censorship leads to church discipline being exercised against members  who use adult language around adults or share a beer with friends.  Censorship leads to Christians in China being murdered for reading the Bible.

After all, isn’t censorship just another word for legalism… and maybe a little immaturity?

Don’t get me wrong– I totally feel the sentiment of protecting one’s children from the evils that this world offers.  But therein lies my point.  YOU protect your child.  YOU dictate what can be read or listened to…. not the proverbial “man”.